Can you really swim in a crocheted bikini?

The question:

I got a beautiful crocheted bikini, but I have absolutely no idea where to wear it. What's it for?

The answer:

For these and other mysteries of the female wardrobe, I turn to my expert friends. Melanie Janisse, a clothing collector with exquisite taste, runs a Toronto vintage store called Pineapple, where she sells handmade Brazilian crochet cotton bikinis for around $90. She says, "You don't swim laps in them, that's for sure. They'd get too heavy. They're for tanning. Or posing – a couple of my clients have been fitness models. Or for just wearing around as tops, with cut-off jean shorts." Why would anyone seek out a swimsuit in which one cannot swim? This any guy can answer: There is something painfully sexy about this item, perhaps because of the promise of disintegration that the strings offer, the chance of glimpsing flesh through the knots, the near-nudity of it. Stick to cotton, though. I have seen wool crochet bikinis in a craft store; they seem a little silly to me (even for posing, wool is rather warm). I think they are meant to be ironic, and ironic dressing is unsexy.

Yes, definitely.

I had a crocheted bikini when I was 10–13.

It had no holes, having been made in a tight stitch. It didn’t show through. It didn’t fall off or move. It didn’t sag or stretch. It was well done. My mother made it for me.

It did gain a lot more weight than a commercial one, mind you. It didn’t stop me from swimming. I can’t conceive going to the beach or pool and not swim; it’s a must. If I hadn’t been able to function in the water with that bikini, I’d never have worn it again after the first time.

It’s worth considering the age, though. I didn’t have a lot of front shelf (or any shelf, for that matter), and that counts. Most crocheted bikinis are designed to adorn you while you sunbathe and that’s it. If you have a crocheted bikini and are unsure about its “swimability”, try it when nobody’s looking.

My past experience with my only crocheted bikini was less than stellar. As mentioned elsewere once in the sea the bra top came off within a very few minutes, followed by the bottoms (whilst I was trying to retrieve the top!) Fortunately this was in Portugal, and since public nudity is OK on their beaches it was “pack this disaster away and only use if for sunbathing”! I still have the offending item - just like the below (but in dark green rather than blue). Undoubtedly comfortable and (seeing as I had to get a child’s size!) pretty minimalist too.

Hit the beach, pool or lake this summer and sunbathe in style! This sexy two piece swimwear features halter neckline,adjustable back ties, crochet accent and matching sexy bikini bottom.

Neckline: Halter swimsuit
Embellishment: Crochet
Pattern: Two Tone
Season: Summer

Black Halter Crochet Sexy Two Piece Triangle Bikini Swimsuit, $24.99



Neckline: Plunging
Embellishment: Crochet, Hollow Out, Tied, Wrap
Pattern: Two Tone
Season: All Seasons

Black Plunging Wrap Around Hollow Out Crochet Racer Back Sexy Cheeky Two Piece Bikini Swimsuit, $36.99



Back Details: Backless
Bottom Type: Cheeky Bikini, Tie Sides
Bra Type: Padded, Push Up
Embellishment: Crochet, Hollow Out, Lace Up, Strappy, Tied
Group: Woman
Material: Polyester
Neckline: Spaghetti Straps
Pattern: Solid Color
Style: Sexy
Type: Bikini
Waistline: High Waist swimsuit

Red Spaghetti Straps Crochet Hollow Out Lace Up Cheeky Sexy Bikini, $19.99



Back Details: Backless
Bottom Type: Skimpy, Tie Sides
Bra Type:Floral Triangle Bikini
Embellishment: Crochet, Lace
Group: Woman
Material: Polyester, Spandex
Neckline: Halter
Pattern: Floral
Style: Sexy
Type: Bikini
Waistline: Low Waist

Light-pink Lace Crochet Halter Triangle Skimpy Tie Side Sexy Bikini, $18.99



Back Details: Backless
Bottom Type: Cheeky, High Cut swimsuit
Bra Type: Triangle
Embellishment: Crochet, Fringe, Hollow Out
Group: Woman
Material: Chinlon, Polyester
Neckline: Halter
Pattern: Solid Color
Style: Brazilian, Sexy
Type: Bikini
Waistline: Low Waist

Red Shell Fringe Crochet Triangle High Cut Sexy Bikini Swimsuit, $26.99



Bottom Type: Cheeky, High Cut&high Leg, Skimpy, Thong Bikini, Tie Sides
Bra Type: Triangle
Embellishment: Bead, Crochet
Group: Woman
Material: Chinlon, Polyester
Neckline: Halter
Pattern: Solid Color
Style: Boho, Sexy, Tribal
Type: Bikini
Waistline: Low Waist

Dark-blue Shell Decor Triangle Tie Side High Leg Crochet Sexy Bikini, $32.99



Bottom Type: Normal
Embellishment: Bead, Crochet, Tassels
Group: Woman
Material: Chinlon, Polyester
Neckline: High Neck
Pattern: Solid Color swimsuit
Style: Boho, Sexy
Type: Bikini
Waistline: Low Waist

Beaded Tassels Crochet High Neck Sexy Bikini Swimsuit, $22.99



Bottom Type: Skirted
Bra Type: Bandeau Bikini
Embellishment: Crochet, Lace Up
Group: Woman
Material: Chinlon, Polyester
Pattern: Stripe
Style: Boho, Sexy
Type: Bikini
Waistline: Mid Waist

Multi Lace Up Crochet Bandeau Skirted Sexy Two Piece Swimsuit, $36.99



Bottom Type: Normal
Bra Type: Padded
Embellishment: Crochet, Hollow Out, Ruffles Bikini, Splicing
Group: Woman
Material: Nylon, Spandex
Neckline: Halter
Pattern: Solid Color
Style: Sexy
Type: Bikini

Pink Ruffles Crochet Hollow Out Halter Sexy Plus Size Bikini, $29.99